My Chicago Christmas Plan

While I'm terrible about decorating, slow about getting presents for anyone other than myself, and in possession of a rabid dislike of that holiday classic to end all holiday classics, It's A Wonderful Life, I still really enjoy Christmas and Christmas related activities. (How's that for a sentence? I wanted to put in a lot of clauses. Get it? Clauses? I'll see myself out.) While I've lived in Chicago for the better part of 10 years, there's a lot of stuff that my city has to offer that I've never experienced. This year, in the run up to Christmas and New Year's, I'm going to try to work some of them in, and enjoy a new tradition.

Ice Skating in Millennium Park

I actually did this last year for all of about half and hour. I don't have the best balance anyway, so sticking me on sharp metal blades on hard, unforgiving ice was only just short of disastrous. Nevertheless, Brian and I are going to try to make it a tradition, first grabbing a drink at the beautiful Palmer House bar and then heading over to the park for a skate. This year, I'm wearing a petticoat, and possibly some butt pads.

Christkindlmarkt

This is right down the street from where I work, so I have no excuse not to go! Ok, yes, it's total kitsch, but that's kind of what Christmas is about, isn't it? They've got lots of crafts and trinkets, as well as food and hot mulled wine, which I've never had and would love to try.

Zoolights

Lincoln Park Zoo is a Chicago institution. It's in Lincoln Park, which is itself pretty scenic, it's close to downtown, and it's free. Every year, they make a beautiful light display, and I've heard from a nearsighted friend that if you have poor vision (which I do), it's a lot of fun to just wander around and enjoy all the shimmering, flickering halos of light.

A Christmas Carol at The Goodman Theater

This one might be a little outside of my rather miniscule budget, but my neighbor is Bob Cratchit. No, really! A Christmas Carol has been running at The Goodman Theater in Chicago for the past 37 years, and he's been doing the Cratchit role for the past seven or eight of them. The Goodman is a pretty prestigious theater, and this seems like the sort of Christmas tradition that gets very firmly engrained if you take your kids.

Double Feature at The Music Box

The Music Box is an independent theater, and one of my favorites. They do Rocky Horror every month (although, like most people, I usually only go around Halloween. Sorry, kids), and show tons of second run and independent films. This year, they've got two Christmas-themed double features - White Christmas and It's a Wonderful Life, and Home Alone and Die Hard.
I can't really explain why I hate It's a Wonderful Life so much. It just irritates me. George Bailey's constant freakouts, Clarance's bland platitudes, the little girl with her annoying, piping voice - it all just coalesces into me sitting on a couch rolling my eyes so hard they almost pop out of my head.
I love White Christmas, though, despite the fact that it hinges on the most incompetent eavesdropping  the world has ever seen.

Chocolate Chestnut Pie at Bang Bang Pie Shop

I have heard from numerous friends and loved ones that Bang Bang Pie shop is the place to go in Chicago for pie, biscuits, and candied bacon, and yet I still have to set foot in the place. A serious oversight on my part, and one that I really want to rectify for their seasonal chocolate chestnut pie. My mouth is watering just thinking about it. 

What are some Christmas traditions in your area? Is there anything that you're particularly looking forward to?

Giving the brownies all their spice

Here's me in a pretty dress. I'll get back to that in a second.
But first - can I just live at the Korean spa?
For those of you who haven't experienced a magical place like this, a Korean spa is more of a health spa than a luxury experience. You walk in, and they give you an over-sized set of what are basically cotton pajamas. There are Roman-style baths (hot, hotter, and ice cold), and a steam sauna, which are gender segregated because everyone's naked for this bit. If I ever have kids, I'm taking them there all the time, because nothing promotes a positive body image like seeing a wide range of normal, naked bodies.
When you're ready, you can slip on your comfy jammies (no shoes or socks - the floors are heated) and head out to the common area, where there are a variety of dry saunas that range in temperature from about 80° all the way up to the Sudatorium, which tops out at 275°. When you leave, you're warm, happy, relaxed, and usually stuffed with Korean food. It's just about my favorite place n the world when it's cold out. You can even stay overnight, like I did, and it's really cheap - only $15-30, depending on if you get a Groupon and how good the deal is.

Just one of the 7 or 8 saunas. They're all supposed to have special properties, although the only one that I remember is that the charcoal room is supposed to purify.  Afterwards, I always go to the big Korean supermarket next door and pick up some treats. I don't eat a lot of junk food, but Asian junk food is kind of my jam. If I can't read the label and there's a picture of some kind of dancing seafood on the front, I'm all over it.

Oh my god so goooooood. Ddukbokki chips.
I also picked up some treats for my face in the form of a bunch of snail extract sheet masks, which already seem to be helping my poor skin. They also gave me some little samples of BB cream, and holy crap is it nice. I will definitely be investing in more Korean skin care products in the future, because it really works.

Korean skin care may or may not involve actually skinning people and wearing their face. I mean, that's one way to get prefect skin.
The other really fun thing that I got to do this weekend was wear the dress that I bought myself for Christmas. I mentioned it here, and when it arrived, it was just as beautiful as I had hoped it would be. It's the kind of dress that reminds me why I love vintage so much - it's really well made and still structurally sound, even at 60 years old. The fit is pretty much impeccable. It's maybe a tiny bit tight in the shoulders, but the waist and bust just fit like a glove. Thank you so much for making my dress dreams come true, Very Vintage!

It's a 50s dress with a dropped waist, so I thought I'd add a little 20s flavor to the styling. I set my hair with sponge rollers, and while the final product was a little wilder than I had originally envisioned, I thought it still added a little bit of flapper to the look.

Ok, maybe a little Bride of Frankenstein, but that's cool too.

It was really warm out this weekend, up near 50°, so I hardly even needed a jacket. I was really happy to have an excuse to wear this beautiful velvet cape again, though.

Another thing that I was really happy to be able to bust out again - these killer leopard heels and my back seam stockings. I figured if I was going to do it up, I was really going to do it up.

Oh, and here's a picture of my in full hair and makeup and my nightgown. I just feel the need to remind you all that I'm actually pretty after the serial killer/sheet mask photo. It doesn't have to put the lotion on its skin! I don't even own a hose!

So, what's your favorite dress (or other item of clothing) that you own? What makes it so perfect to you? I'd love to see some pictures, if they're handy. ;-)

My Year in Television

I actually watch a lot more TV than I do movies. It's not because I necessarily like TV more (although I will say that I'm more involved and more in love with my favorite TV shows than my favorite movies, just because I've spent so much more time getting to know the characters), but because it's hard to find the time to actually watch a movie from start to finish. That's a two or even three hour commitment; it can be much easier to know that I can stop after half an hour or an hour and not feel like I'm leaving something hanging.
I freely admit that I don't have the most distinguishing palette when it comes to entertainment, including TV, but here are the currently airing TV shows that I've been watching over the past year. If you haven't been keeping up with some of these shows, there might be minor spoilers.

New Girl - Finding a new voice, but still ridiculously charming. I want to hang out with these people all the time. I was pretty heartbroken last season when Nick and Jess broke up, but I think the show is doing a good job showing their sense of shared history and affection, while also setting them up for something new in their lives. The supporting cast is still really strong, and while I wish they'd give us a little more of the Schmidt magic that happened in season one, I love the way they've developed Winston.

I may love this show at least in part because the main character is named Jessica, and I have a weakness for things that have the same name as me. It might also be why I love Jessicas Alba, Simpson, Biel, and Lange.


Vampire Diaries - Got off to a really slow start this season, and although it's picked up a little bit of steam, it's still mired in some really annoying subplots. The show has never utilized Bonnie very well; either kill her or give her something to do. And will someone please kill Enzo already? His charming psycho routine is shades of season 1 Damon, and we do not need the retread.

Fire water and underbutt. Oh my.

How To Get Away With Murder - Soapy, crazy, silly, maybe even a little stupid, but very entertaining. Viola Davis is both the star of the show and the reason that it holds together at all. She attacks each scene with an incredible level of ferocity, which is good because sometimes it feels like the rest of the cast is just kind of meandering through their scenes. Also, there's some really hot dude on dude action.

This photo is kind of weird.

Black-ish - I enjoy this show so thoroughly. While I can't say much about its portrayal of the black, upper middle-class experience (or even of the middle-class experience, full stop), it's always laugh out loud funny and topical without coming across as strident. Tracy Ellis-Ross is always fantastic, and the two younger kids are ridiculously cute. It's like a new Cosby Show, except no one involved is a rapist. That we know of.

See? Adorbs.

Sleepy Hollow - This show is fucking bonkers. There is no other word for it. They churn through plot a mile a minute, and the first season was basically out to show just how good a show could be while being utterly, completely stupid. The WTF-ery is strong in this one. Season two, unfortunately, has not managed to tie things together quite so well - lots of dangling threads and weird character non-development have created a hole that I'm not sure the show can dig itself out of. I'm still going to watch, though, because the chemistry between Ichabod and Abby will always be worth it.

I've kind of made the theme song my own unofficial theme song. Like, when I walk into a room, I pretend the spooky violins and horns are blasting behind me. It's pretty badass.

Game of Thrones - I am a massive fan of the books, and it stands to reason that I'm a massive fan of the show. I'm consistently amazed at how well they translate something so sweeping and fantastical from the page to the screen. They've managed to streamline a lot of things that needed it without losing the depth and sense of history that made the books so special. All the little tweaks and changes have taken the show in a slightly different direction, and I'm interested in seeing where things continue to head. Some things that I don't like - Theon. Just fucking kill him already, his storyline is not interesting or important. Some things I love - pretty much everything else.

A throne that will cut your balls off if you sit down to fast doesn't sound like much of a prize.

Orange is the New Black - I'm going to sound like a bit of a crazy person, but while I enjoy this show as I'm watching it, this season, I felt no pull to keep going with it. I watched it half-heartedly for the first six or seven episodes, and then just stopped. I can't even really tell you why. It wasn't that the characters weren't interesting anymore, but rather that things seemed weirdly easy, even tame, after all the shit that went down in the real world this year. I know it's stupid that I'm saying that about this show and not, like, Sleepy Hollow or The Vampire Diaries, but I feel like I want my TV to either be totally escapist or incisively, bitingly topical. For some reason, OitNB didn't feel like either.

I just don't care what happens to you anymore, pretty white lady in prison. Sorry.

Black Mirror - Holy shit, this show is awesome. It's a big like The Twilight Zone, in that each episode stands alone and has a different cast, and it deals with issues of technology - what it means, how it affects us, how we interact with it. It's a fascinating show, and I'd recommend it to anyone looking for something both though provoking and entertaining.

I no longer have any interest in going on American Idol. Not that I did before, but really not now.

Space Dandy - I'm a big fan of Cowboy Bebop and Samurai Champloo, so I had to give Space Dandy a try. I'm on a couple of episodes in, but so far it's pretty good. I don't know if I like it as much as the others that I mentioned, which were tied to and defined by a particular music style and culture (although maybe Dandy is a subculture that I'm just not familiar with, now that I think about it), but there's something pleasingly trippy and frenetic about the style of animation, and the sly humor and attitude are there in spades.

This show features a lot of unnaturally bouncy and buoyant breasts. It's actually a signficant plot point.

True Detective - In like a lion, out like a lamb. There was no way the ending was ever going to live up to all the metaphysical craziness and drama, but when it was good, it was soooo gooood. And it made me feel smart, so that's cool. I'm very interested to see where they go with it in season two.

Just imagine William Shatner doing the whole "time is a flat circle" thing.

Forever - This show does not make me feel smart. It's really silly, but that's kind of the fun of it. It's about a medical examiner in New York City - pretty standard, right? But, shocking twist, he's immortal. If he's killed, his body disappears and he wakes up in the nearest body of water. It's because of an Indian curse/blessing/whatever, and he's lived for over 200 years because of it. It's like a low key Sleepy Hollow, but it's weirdly entertaining.

"Hello, I'm attractively British and very clever."

I don't actually have cable, just internet and Roku and whatever, so there are some shows that I haven't been able to keep up with that I would really like to. I've heard amazing things about The Americans, about Soviet spies in the 80s, but I haven't been able to catch it at all yet. Hopefully it'll be up on Netflix sometime soon. I was absolutely crazy about the first season of Orphan Black, but *cough* I can't seem to get my hands on it anymore. Again, I'm counting the days until it's up on Netflix or something.
What did you guys really enjoy this year? Do you watch any of the shows that I talked about? Agree or disagree with my assessments?

Links to Love

I'm a huge proponent of bathos - the world is grim and depressing enough without me just piling on. So, in the interest of following up something solemn with something a little more light-hearted, here are some cool things, some fun things, some pretty things, and some awesome things. You can decide for yourself which things are which.

Diana Vreeland: Why don't you...

I recently watched the documentary about the incredible Diana Vreeland, The Eye Must Travel, and I was really interested in a feature from her Harper's Bazaar days that they mentioned. Every issue, she would ask "why don't you..." do something interesting, or decadent, or outrageous? This collection of her suggestions might inspire you to glam up your life a bit. One of the easier suggestions - "Why don't you tie black tulle bows to your wrists?" I don't know, why don't I?

How to draw on bigger (or smaller) lips

Flickr, for some reason, does not want me to have a picture of lips. I tried to upload three different images, and each time they timed out. I seriously think it's a conspiracy. Here's a picture of Al from Home Improvement.
This tutorial from Alle of xoVain is actually a must read for a vintage-makeup-loving lady. If you're trying to evoke a particular star or era, a little change in the shape of the lips can make a huge difference, and she walks you through a few of the most popular styles to try.

Oops, I got distracted (felt ornament tutorial)

I don't own any Christmas decorations, and I'm really cheap, so something that will let me spruce up my place without costing a whole lot of money sounds pretty ideal to me. These felt ornaments are easy to make and super cute, too.

K-Beauty 101

Sheet masks with snail slime extract make me preeeeeeeettyyyyyyyyy.
I'm heading to the Korean spa this weekend (So warm. So happy.), and while I'm there, I'm definitely going to stock up on some products at the massive market next door. My skin has been going insane lately, and I'm looking forward to giving it a little TLC.

Cheng I Sao, 19th Century Female Pirate

Speaking of things that make me all warm inside and out, this history of Cheng I Sao, a female pirate captain from the early 1800s, is beyond awesome. Ok, so yes, she was a pirate, and didn't have any problems with killing or enslaving anyone who crossed her path; however, she enforced rules against rape or unusually cruel treatment of female prisoners amongst her 50,000 strong pirate army. Not only that, but when she decided to retire, she got to keep all of her money, as did most of the men in her fleet, and she even set up a fund to help the former pirates transition back to civilian life. What a badass.

My Year In Movies

As much as I love going to the movies, I feel like I don't actually do it that often. Part of that's money - if I had more of it, I'd do it twice a week (heh. That's what he said.). Part of it's access, since the closest theater to my house is a really small one. It doesn't make a whole lot of sense for someone like me to make a list of the best/worst movies of the year, since I missed out on so many of them, but here's a little recap of what I saw this year in roughly chronological order.

The Lego Movie

Ok, how the fuck was a movie based on Legos this great? It was one of the first movies that I saw this year, and I still feel incredible fondness for it. It's cute without being overly twee, ironic without being sour, fun, funny, and surprisingly heartfelt. Asshole Batman? The whole Cloud Cuckooland set? The theme song, appropriately titled "Everything Is Awesome," which will be stuck in your head for days after you hear it? Writing this review is making me want to go watch it again right now.

The Grand Budapest Hotel

You know how I said The Lego Movie was cute without being twee? That does not apply to this movie. This movie is twee as shit, and I don't care, because I would totally watch that that fake Wes Anderson horror movie that SNL made a trailer for because I love Wes Anderson and his particular brand of quirk. He's like my manic pixie dream director. What I loved about this movie is the deep undercurrent of sadness running through it, a beautiful melancholy for something that no longer exists (and likely never did in the first place), but which as been lovingly recreated.

Captain America: The Winter Soldier

I was actually pretty impressed by this Marvel outing. I was worried that they'd end up with something more along the lines of Iron Man 2 (lots of buildup and bluster, no real sense of danger), but they did a really fantastic job shifting the narrative from comic book super hero movie to paranoid thriller. Chris Evans and Scarlett Johansson have amazing platonic chemistry, and as The AV Club pointed out, it was pretty much the best depiction of a female superhero this year, and maybe for the last few years.

Veronica Mars


*sigh* This movie. I didn't watch the series when it first aired because I was annoyed by how similar it seemed to my beloved Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but after years of hearing about how awesome it was, I finally checked it out. And lo, I saw that it was good. Better than good. Amazing. Even when an episode fell flat, Veronica herself was such a treat - smart, mouthy, prone to getting herself into trouble and even better at getting herself out again. I enthusiastically donated to the Kickstarter campaign to make the movie, and streamed it at home the first day it was available.
As great as it was to see the band back together, solving murders and kicking ass, there was just something missing. Too much fan service, when the show was devoted to sticking a knife in our guts and twisting. Too many easy answers to problems that used to just get thornier the deeper you dug. And they basically pulled an invasion of the body snatchers on Logan, who used to be frustrating and problematic but won me over despite my better judgement, and who is now both an officer and a gentleman. (I just realized how many movie references I packed into that last sentence, and wow. I don't know if I should be ashamed or amused.)
Basically, see it if you're already a mega-fan, but skip it if you're not. I still have hopes for a possible series reboot, but the movie fails to recapture the magic.

Godzilla

The humans are kind of annoying (although whathisface from Kick-Ass grew up hot), but Godzilla himself is everything you could want from a monster. He was mystical, unknowable, and terrifying, but also had a surprising amount of pathos.

Edge of Tomorrow

Easily the most underrated movie of the year for me. I don't care much for Tom Cruise, but his smarm actually works pretty well here - you get to see him make a fool of himself, get his ass kicked, and get killed over and over and over (and over and over) again. Eventually he does redeem himself, but it feels earned. I loved Emily Blunt in Looper, and she's a treat here as well. She's got a sexy toughness, a practicality, and a vulnerability that makes her really appealing in a role like this, which makes good use of all of her gifts. The movie not only makes you like the characters, it makes you worry about them. It's one of the few genuinely tense action movies that I've seen in a long time.

Maleficent

I liked this one more than a lot of other people did (see my original review in this post), but in retrospect, it's dulled a little bit in my memory. It was great seeing Angelina Jolie do her thing again, and the visuals were simply stunning, and the analogy to rape and how it was dealt with, and the fact that true love's first kiss was from a mother to a daughter... Wait, what was I talking about? Now that I think about it, I still really liked the movie.

Transformers: Age of Extinction

Not pictured: anything from that awful fucking movie. Deep breaths. Just look at the cute baby animals.
This movie was so terrible it made me angry. I literally walked out. If I remember correctly, the reason why was that the hottie in distress had just been taken by the alien menace, and her dad is all like "you're helping me rescue my daughter" to her race car driving boyfriend, and the boyfriend is all like "no, you're helping me rescue my girlfriend." Because of course she's not an actual person that they love, she's a social construct for men to use to prove their dominance over one another. Fucking patriarchy. *feminist nerd rage*

Guardians of the Galaxy

Just going to do this one in memes. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaas. Spooge. Saw it twice. Both funny, action packed, and not stupid. I like it when my superheroes don't take themselves too seriously.

Lucy

On the opposite end of the spectrum, here's a movie that I was really excited about, but which was completely incomprehensible and kind of terrible. There were some interesting visuals, but the plot was labored and senseless, the performances were weak, every interpersonal connection clearly only existed to facilitate a particular plot point, and I seriously just could not move past the whole "human beings only use 10% of their brains" bullshit because they kept saying it over and over again. So much potential, wasted in the most annoying possible way.

Birdman

Brian and I saw this one when we were in New Orleans, and I was so amazed. It's a long ass movie, but it felt like it just swept me up in its currents and took me along for a really amazing ride; I didn't even notice when my butt went numb. Part of that is because of the camera style - it looks like one long, unbroken tracking shot, following people around the theater, down the street, into bars. It's technically amazing, but after a while, you stop noticing it, and only realize that everything feels seamless, fluid in a way that's more reflective of real life than even the most well-crafted movies. The fact that it's also incredibly surreal actually works really well with that sense of real life unfolding before you. It gets into your head in the best possible way, and I left the theater feeling like I'd been reborn. On reflection, this is probably the best movie I've seen this year.

Gone Girl

I just reviewed this one not too long ago, so I won't talk about it too much. I really enjoyed it - I thought it was slick, well made, and visually striking. There's an icy feeling to the whole thing, which is reflective of both Fincher's style and the content of the movie. I'd read the book, so the movie didn't really hold any surprises for me. It would be nice if there was more adaptation to book-to-movie adaptations, but as far as accurately reflecting the source materials, it did a good job. If you liked the book, you'll like the movie. If you haven't read the book, but like taut, twisty, slightly gory thrillers, you'll like the movie.

Happy New Year

I saw this Bollywood flick with a group of friends, and that was the perfect way to see it. It's so utterly ridiculous, filled with plot holes and nonsense and abs for days, that you can't help but love it a little bit. Here, this comic will help you.
The Vigil Idiot: Happy New Year

Big Hero 6

I was kind of surprised by how much I liked this movie. I saw it on a total whim, having heard mixed to positive reviews, and I'm really happy that I did. It's very sweet, and I think it deals with grief very well. I love the animation style, and they did a really remarkable job creating a Japanese influenced vision of the future without falling head first into anime tropes. It's a great kids' movie, but it holds up very well for adults in the audience too.

TLDR; Watch The Lego Movie, The Grand Budapest Hotel, Edge of Tomorrow, Guardians of the Galaxy, and Birdman; throw Transformers and Lucy in a fire, jump up and down on top of them, and then piss on them to put them out, and do whatever you want with the other ones on the list.

What did you watch this year? Anything you particularly loved/hated?

All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth

I don't actually want my two front teeth for Christmas, although I briefly did when I was small and lost all four of my front teeth just in time for the holiday season. That's some planning, right there. I have seen some teeth that's been made into jewelry, but even with my love of the macabre I find that rather icky.
It feels rather weird to just post a list of things that I want. It's not that I don't like getting presents - I fucking love getting presents - but isn't it kind of strange to just tell a person what you want? I guess it's a convenient arrangement sometimes, since it can be hard to choose a present for someone, especially if it's not someone that you know well, and I know plenty of people that just want to be sure they'll get something they'll actually like, rather than just some body lotion that makes them sneeze and a gift card to Amazon.
But I did sign up for Secret Santa, so Secret Santa buddy, this list is partly for you (although feel free to get me whatever you want, these are just suggestions for if you're stumped), and partly for any of my friends who read this and need some help picking out a gift for me. If anyone else wants to buy me a gift... um, don't do that. That's weird. I definitely didn't get you anything.
Mid-Century Needlepoint Purse

I don't usually go for vintage purses, but sometimes a pretty needlepoint bag seems like just the thing to complete an outfit. This one even has bakelite handles!
Red Rhinestone Dress Clips

I actually have a small collection of dress clips, so anything in that realm would be very welcome. I really like these red rhinestone ones since I've been adding a lot of red to my wardrobe.
Green Floral Scarf

Scarves are an awesome accessory year round, and I think this green, floral print scarf is especially pretty.
Rabbit Print Lunch Bag
I could really use a cute lunch bag instead of just throwing my stuff into a grocery bag.
Turquoise Insect Brooch

Guys. Guys. Guys. Oh my god. Guys. This is cute.
Sugar Lip Polish

I would never, ever buy something like this for myself, but as the queen of flaky, chapped lips, I'd actually love to have this.


Am I the only one who feels weird about the concept of a wishlist? I don't remember making them when I was a kid (no, "Dear Santa" for me), so maybe that has something to do with it.